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Let’s play a game of truth. I have been telling my self lies all week, and though feelings are valid and important, when I am feeling angry, sad, doubtful and less and less with hope, my greatest intention is not to stay there. To not mediate on those that can harm me or threaten to tear me down, but to stay encouraged. To move forward. To know that I’m not alone. So, here’s what my thoughts were in the week.
1. That I desperately want to travel, but cannot.
2. That I will never make enough money to live the life I want.
3. That no more people will listen to my podcast or care about my projects.
4. That I will never be a successful published author.
5. That I’ll live with my parents forever.
6. That I’m not fit to write this blog. I barely have anything to say. I actually thought of backing out and quitting.
7. That I’ll run out of energy and just become a burnout.
Now, though I thought all of these things in the past week, I want to remind you, that I continued to push forward. I continued to pray and spend time with God for an hour every morning (it was super hard), I continued to listen to some sermons while washing dishes or cooking a meal. I made sure not to miss my two prayer groups. Because even though I didn’t necessarily want to pray or spend time with God, I knew that I NEEDED to. In Gen 2:18, God says “It is not good for the man to be alone…”, in the context of this blog post and the scripture, it is indeed factual that it is not good for man to be alone (God is always right, duh). This is important to note because Satan wants us to be alone. He wants us to not tell a soul, about whatever it is we’re dealing with—he wants us isolated because this is his best playing ground. However, Satan only has power if it is handed to him. During the week, despite my negative thoughts, choosing to tell my mom, praying about, giving God the praise and the glory, and CHOOSING that I deserve better, that I am better, I have already been making progress. I’ll let you in on a little secret. Just because you’re a Christian, doesn’t mean you won’t be tested, doesn’t mean you won’t give in or give up sometimes, doesn’t mean you’re automatically perfect (which yes, I knew and I am aware, but come on, we need to be reminded), but it does mean that whatever you do, however, you’re feeling, whatever failures and triumphs you have, take them to God. HE CARES. The scripture says In Philippians 6:6-7 “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all that he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ” (NLT). GOD IS NOT A LIAR. HE CARES. HE DOES.
After bringing this scripture back into remembrance, and having a list of lies I told myself, laid out before me (well, on my phone), I made sure that in that same breath, I wrote out what was true. What God has said. What he had promised, and so my list ended up looking like this—
1. I am building my business with the strong foundation I have, and doing it without distractions. This is my destined time to build and try new things. To be comfortable to fail and make mistakes, and still come out victorious.
2. I already possess everything I need. The money is in God’s hands. I have made my plans, but I am letting God direct and establish my steps.
3. People are listening to podcast! Lol (omg the list of lies is so dumb, that’s why you don’t give it power). And the audience is growing 😊
4. I am already a published author. God has deemed me his, and therefore I am already successful.
5. Obviously, I won’t live with my parents forever lol (it’s also really helping at this time in my life). I will have a home of my own one day, and as I told my mom, during this pandemic and world crisis, I would honestly hate to live alone right now. I’m very thankful to be here, to be in the comfort of the family every day.
6. This blog post is a testament that I didn’t give up. I did not choose to quit. At planting beautifully, I do have a home and my voice is important and shared.
7. This human body can only do so much, but God sustains me so that I endure. Also, God wouldn’t give me anything I can’t handle, but I can’t handle anything without him.
I say with great joy to you all, to stay encouraged!
When you are feeling anxious, shameful, doubtful, angry, sad…etc. Be sure to
· Pray —Seek God. Ask him questions. Come to him about anything and everything (I have prayed to God about my eyebrows once (a prayer he did answer!), so seriously, don’t be shy, especially to the one who created you.
· Tell A friend who also knows God! —Satan would loveee for you to be isolated. By telling a person you trust and love, you are being within community. This allows for accountability, healthy conversation and dialogue, and more prayer! (“For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them” Matt 18:20 NLT)
· Write your own list of lies and truth! — This has been helpful to me. This was my first time writing a list like this, but it truly helped. I needed a loving and tough push over what I was facing, to return to what the Lord promised to me, and what his Word says. When you have it written out, and see it materialized, you gain perspective. Throw away the lies! And Hold on to who God says you are!