Sis, Marriage is NOT a fairy tale.

So many women have this idea that marriage is the exact same as the movies we see - where the handsome fella falls madly in love with the hopeful girl, and their love story is cinematic perfection. The idea is romanticized to the point that it becomes a realistic expectation. Then follows the thought that "anything less is most definitely a settle"... and we do NOT settle. Right?!

Wrong sis. That movie driven thinking is all wrong. I get it though I was once her, the girl who fantasized myself right into a pool of disappointment. So let me be clear – I am married, I did not settle, I am happy, marriage is beautiful, but it is NOT a fairy tale.

Marriage is a dramedy, mixed with a docuseries, and action movie all in one. It’s one heck of an adventure. And like most adventure’s there are highs, lows, surprises, and sheer excitement. Nonetheless, I repeat, it is not your Disney style Fairy Tale.

So, now that the Disney bubble has been burst, what do we do? Well, we prepare. Prepare ourselves for the work that we must put in to prepare for (and maintain) wife life. Whether you are single, dating, engaged, or married, there is always ‘wife work’ that should be done. The job looks different depending on which one of those phases you are in, but even after marriage a good wife is constantly working to grow and evolve in her role.

I’m primarily talking to ladies who aren’t married yet, so I will start with the preparatory work of releasing the fantasy. Stop spending time hopelessly dreaming of your mate and fantasizing over #CoupleGoals on IG. Unfollow all accounts that drive that fairy tale syndrome. Also, unfollow accounts that make you feel lonely or insecure.

Next, self reflect those insecurities (with a therapist if needed). Make a list of your recognizable insecurities. Use this list as a blueprint to identify the areas of self that need the most attention (and don’t be discouraged if the list get’s long – mine was too!). Move one by one down your list and address these items by reading scripture and listening to sermons on the subject. Listen to speakers who have conquered those challenges. Do not - I repeat - Do not, rush this process!! If you’re open to constructive criticism, I suggest asking the people closest to you what they recommend you work on to improve your role in your existing relationships. Only if you are really ready to receive this type of feedback – this is not meant to cause rifts in relationships.

There is a saying that marriage is 50/50, but I am firm believer that when possible we should be showing up as 100/100 – two whole people partnering in marriage. Being intentional about continuous growth is a must, and you will attract people who are doing the same. The fantasy of a strong, got-it-all-together, man coming to rescue you in your brokenness, is not likely. At all.

As you can see I’m lingering on this healing section. That’s because this part is important sis. Very important! In this phase I’m talking real healing, genuine healing. This does not work with pretend healing that’s just enough to attract a decent man. If you want a solid healthy marriage, you have to solidly be healthy and able to show up for yourself, your man, and your marriage.

Right alongside that emotional glowing and growing, you need JESUS! No matter how much therapy or self-help you invest in, the Word is your strongest tool. We were created in the image of Christ, we are made to dwell with Him. Please don’t neglect Him, thinking that you have it all figured out. Additionally, in this wife-prep you must not forget that God created the sacred unity of marriage, so it’s natural the enemy hates it. A great wife will cover herself, her husband, and her marriage in prayer; Without prayer marriage is an open door of attack to the enemy. So get started (or keep going) now, because this is a weapon you want to be perfectly sharpened long before marriage comes your way.

In your personal life start to consider your daily habits and how flexible you are with change (marriage requires a lot of flexibility!). Also, How are you managing your finances? If you get married do you have savings to join with a spouse to purchase a home or car? Is your credit score high enough to get approved for joint purchases? What are you financially bringing to the table? Finances have been recorded as the #1 cause of divorce, so establish strong money habits now so that you are well equipped to help manage marital finances successfully.

Lastly, I suggest linking with married women who are Godly, happy, healthy, and experienced (been married at least a few years). If you don’t know anyone who meets that criteria, shoot a DM to a wife on IG, or a successful marriage blogger you may follow, you’d be surprised how many women will lovingly welcome you into their community!

I really hope this serves as a helpful reminder to single women (and married alike) that we have to stop fantasizing about marriage with unrealistic expectations. We have to understand that there is a lifetime beyond the proposal, the white dress, and the overpriced reception. Most importantly, we have to be prepared for that realistic life of marriage, the life of happily sharing ourselves, our

spaces, and our willingness show up daily for our spouse.